Preschool graduations?  Complete with cap and gown?  Are you kidding me?  Here are excerpts from various yearbooks of the 2009 Graduating Class of Wee Willie Wonder Preschool in Dayton, OH:

 

To Timmy:  I liked playing in sandbox with you.  Hope to see you in kindergarten.  Billy.

To Debbie:  My God, where has the time gone?  Only seems like yesterday when we were lying beside one another getting our diapers changed.  Come to think of it, that was yesterday.  Your friend, Emily #4.

To Brian:  I pee-peed in your sippy cup.  Andy.

To Emily #2:  School is like a lollipop.  It sucks until it’s gone.  Your bestest friend, Emily #3.  P.S.  I like you better than Emily #1. 

To Billy:  I loved it when you pooped in the sandbox that one day!  Ha, ha!  Telling Brian they were Tootsie Rolls!  Ha!  Ha!  His breath still smells!  Keep in touch!  Jacob.

To Emily #4:  I hope you still Twitter me this summer!  I want to be your favorite Twit!  Emily #1.

To Kiernan:  I like your binky.  Trade ya!  Hanna.

To Jacob:  Thanks for passing along your lice and chicken pox.  I’d call you an asshole but I’m not allowed to curse out loud yet.  Timmy.

To Emily #1:  It’s time to say goodbye.  Our class has come to an end.  I’ve made more cherished memories and many more friends.  Emily #3.

To Emily #3:  Stop being so melodramatic.  We still have 13 more years of school at the very least.  Then 4-6 years of college, possibly graduate school, years of debt, 1-2 failed marriages, depression, loneliness and death.  iCarly rules!!!  Emily #1.

To Hanna:  I’d say I’ll treasure the memories but when I grow up I won’t remember these days.  Your friend until I forget…Debbie.

 

Here are some excerpts from Timmy Bennett’s graduation speech.  Timmy, age 4, is the valedictorian from Wee Willie Wonder’s Preschool.

 

Good morning!  Ha ha!  Hey!  That my juicy cup!  My cup!  No!  NO!  NOOOOOOO!!!  No want take nappy! Where’s Mommy?  MOMMY!  MAAAAHHHM-MEEEEEEEE!!!  Hey!  Get your own juicy cup!  I want snacky.  No nappy.  Ha ha!  No, you’re a Poopy head!

 

OK, seriously.  You taught me so much, Ms. Haley.

You taught me what ADHD means since you tell us every day that we all have it. 

You taught me to share everything which is why I never covered my mouth when I sneezed. 

You taught me the “-aps”: take a crap every morning, a nap every afternoon, and be sure not to yap too much. 

You taught me that it’s now politically incorrect to sit Indian style and that it’s now called “Criss-cross applesauce”, whatever the hell that means.

 

And I want to thank Ms. Haley for making me sticker-phobic.  Ha, ha.  I mean, Jesus, the lady gives ya a sticker just for blowing your nose with a tissue!  A sticker for standing in line?  I used to feel like a special kid until I came here to preschool.  Now I don’t even have the desire to succeed since nobody is ever allowed to win anything!!  Hey, Ms. Haley!  If my team scores the most points, we win!  Get it?  Enough with these ridiculous ties all the time.  It’s just more proof that we as a society continue to reward mediocrity rather than actual achievement.  Oh great!  I just pooped myself!  Do I get a sticker for that, Ms. Haley???

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