1999

(Sound of demonic music)

MAN: Michael Selvaggio.

(Quick cut to pleasant music)

WOMAN: Claudia Fox.

(Sound of demonic music)

MAN: Michael Selvaggio.

(Quick cut to pleasant music)

WOMAN: Claudia Fox.

(Sound of demonic music)

MAN:  Michael Selvaggio.

(Quick cut to pleasant music)

WOMAN: Claudia Fox.

(Sound of “The Godfather” theme)

MAN: For the past four years, Michael Selvaggio has been our state senator.  What does this Mafia loving scumbag have to show for it?  Taxes have been increased 347% since Selvaggio took office.  The state is $4 trillion in debt.  Nine out of 10 people are unemployed.  The 10th person is slowly dying due to the Selvaggio Bill which states that each working citizen pay 100% of his or her own health benefits.  Health benefit costs that have increased by 172% during Selvaggio’s term.  Murder in the state has increased 38%, bestiality is up 42%, SAT scores are down 27%…when will it all end?

(Sound of pleasant music.)

WOMAN: It all ends this November 4th when you vote for Claudia Fox.  Ms. Fox is a devoted housewife, mother and businesswoman who will get our state back on track.  While Mr. Selvaggio was hoarding your tax dollars to build his 100-acre horse farm, Ms. Fox was being elected “Business Woman of the Century” by her peers in the real estate industry.  While Mr. Selvaggio was using your tax dollars for 2 month vacations in Aruba, Ms. Fox was being hailed by her neighbors as “God’s Gift to Our Subdivision.”  While Mr. Selvaggio was making sure that his enemies were sleeping with the fishes, Ms. Fox was running the neighborhood block party, baking three batches of brownies herself.

(Sound of demonic music)

MAN: Michael Selvaggio.  Do we want four more years of negligence?

(Sound of pleasant music.)

WOMAN: No, we want Claudia Fox!  She’ll bring honor and decency back to our state.  Claudia Fox for state senate!

MAN #2: Paid for by the friends and family of Claudia Fox.  Sam Sleaze, Treasurer.

 

2003

(Sound of demonic music)

MAN: Claudia Fox.

(Quick cut to pleasant music)

WOMAN: Steve Moyer.

(Sound of demonic music)

MAN: Claudia Fox.

(Quick cut to pleasant music)

WOMAN: Steve Moyer.

(Sound of demonic music)

MAN: Claudia Fox.

(Quick cut to pleasant music)

WOMAN: Steve Moyer.

(Sound of demonic music)

MAN: For the past four years, Claudia Fox has been our state senator.  What does she have to show for it?  Taxes have been increased 347% since Fox took office.  The state is $8 trillion in debt.  Nine out of 10 people are either dead or unemployed since Claudia Fox became our state senator.  Health benefit costs have increased by 172% during Fox’s term.  Murder in the state has increased 38%, bestiality is up 42%, SAT scores are down 27%…when will it all end?

(Quick cut to pleasant music)

WOMAN: It all ends this November 4th when you vote for Steve Moyer.  Mr. Moyer is a devoted husband, father and businessman who will get our state back on track.  While Ms. Fox was hoarding your tax dollars to put her three delinquent kids through college, Mr. Moyer was coaching his local high school’s basketball team to a state championship.  Mr. Moyer himself paid for the team’s uniforms because Ms. Fox slashed all educational funding by 96% during her term!  Steve Moyer is an honest, God fearing man who loves and respects his fellow citizens, not some spotlight seeking whore like Claudia Fox! You want change?  Steve Moyer…state Senate.

(Sound of demonic music)

MAN: Claudia Fox…slut.

(Quick cut to pleasant music)

WOMAN: Steve Moyer…state Senate!

MAN #2: Paid for by friends and family of Steve Moyer.  Kerr Upt, Treasurer.