With the recent straight-to-DVD/Blu Ray release of the highly anticipated “Tinker Bell and the Lost Treasure”, Walt Disney has now sent out a press release of their upcoming straight-to-DVD/Blu Ray releases for 2010.  Children all over the world are losing sleep awaiting the release of these sure-fire future Disney animated classics:

 

Abu & the Magic Banana:  Abu, that lovable monkey from Aladdin and its underrated sequel The Return of Jafar returns in this winner about a magic banana that causes grief in Abu’s primate neighborhood.  The female monkeys have discovered a banana that brings great joy to them, but not to the seemingly inadequate male monkeys. 

 

The Lady and the Tramp III: The Lady is a Tramp:  Lady decides that the Tramp shouldn’t be the only dog to have some real fun. 

 

Bambi 3-D:  Bambi’s Revenge:  Bambi changes his name to Bambo, sports some military fatigues, and decides to hunt down the human who gunned down his mother.  Get ready to duck on your couch…the bullets look like they’re coming right at ya!

 

Sleeping Beauty and the Beast:  The unforgettable casts of Sleeping Beauty and Beauty and the Beast collide in this magnificent extravaganza as the Beast falls out of love with Belle and in love with Sleeping Beauty because “She reminds me of Belle when she’s passed out on the couch.”

 

The Adventures of Ichabod Crane 2:  Headless Than Zero:  Your favorite malnourished schoolteacher is back in Sleepy Hollow!  What happened to Ichabod at the end of the first movie?  You’ll find out in the Rocky III style opening montage as the Headless Horseman sings “I Got No Head in My Bed” which should garner an Oscar nomination.

 

Pocahontas 3:  Because this storyline wasn’t completely exhausted in the first two.  This time, Pocahontas steps through a time portal and ends up in a Native American casino in Connecticut where she discovers the true meaning of love.  The love of money from the white man.

 

Dory Meets Monstro:  Well, it’s about time these two met!  Dory suddenly remembers that her family was swallowed by Monstro and spends half the movie trying to find the big whale with her new friend, Sam the Celibate Clam.  When she finds Monstro, the two become fast friends and belt out “The Mammal & Me” featuring the lyrics:  I’m that fish from Nemo, and I’m that whale from Pinocchio…and together we’re gonna have a whale of a good time!  Fun for the whale, er, whole family!

 

Snow White Bites the Big Apple:  Snow White decides her life was better after she bit the witch’s apple, so she decides to go to the Big Apple thinking she can take a bite out of it, hoping this time a kiss from a tart of a prince won’t wake her up.  Plenty of action as Snow and her seven little friends roam Manhattan.  The scene between Grumpy and the Pakistani cab driver will have you howling. 

 

The Country Bears Meet the Chicago Bears:  Because The Country Bears absolutely deserved a sequel.  Kyle Orton and Cedric Benson were Chicago Bears when they lent their voices to this project.  Now Orton’s quarterbacking Denver and Benson is a running back for the Bengals and…well…we might shelve this one. 

 

And don’t miss out on these gems:

The Little Mermaid III:  Ariel Gets a Hangnail

Cinderella IV:  Cinderella Joins Starfleet

The Hunchback of Notre Dame 3:  Quasimoto Plays For the Fighting Irish

The Lion King IV:  We Ain’t Lion, No One Likes a Cheetah

Pinocchio 2:  The Real Boy Has Some Serious Wood

The Fox and the Hound 3:  Seriously, Something Actually Happens This Time!

 

So look for these releases in the new year because Walt Disney wants to show once and for all that we are NOT a second-rate, money-grabbing corporation. We can still spit out some quality animated features!

You again?

You again?