A typical American family on a typical weekday morning in 1960.  It is 8:30am.  All four have just finished a breakfast of eggs, bacon and toast.

 

MOM:  Have a great day at work, dear.

DAD:  Thanks, hon.  (Takes one last sip of coffee.)  I should be home by 5:30.

MOM:  I’ll have supper ready. 

SON/DAUGHTER:  We’re off to school!  Have a good day, Mom!  Dad!

MOM:  I love all of you.  Can’t wait to hear about your days around the dinner table!

 

A typical American family on a typical weekday morning in 1985.  It is 8:00am.  The kids ate their Flintstone vitamins and grabbed Pop-Tarts as they make their way out the door.

 

SON/DAUGHTER:  Bye, Mom!  Dad!

MOM:  I’ll be home from work around 6:00.

DAD:  I should be home around 6:30.  (He takes his daily multivitamin.)

MOM:  I’m thinking leftovers.  (She takes her daily multivitamin.)

DAD:  Sounds good! 

SON/DAUGHTER:  We have practice after school but should be home by 5ish.

MOM:  Great!  See you all tonight.

 

A typical American family on a typical weekday morning in 2010.  It is 7:00am. 

 

DAD:  I’m running late!  With traffic it’s going to take me an hour fifteen to get in!

MOM:  Same here.  Did you take your multivitamin?

DAD:  Yeah.  Did you take your blood pressure medication?

MOM:  Got my Cozaar right here.  And I need to take my daily aspirin. 

DAD:  Where’s my Lipitor?  Has anyone seen it?

DAUGHTER:  Should be right next to my Lexapro.

MOM:  I thought it was next to my Prozac?  Did someone move my flaxseed oil pills?

SON:  I need a refill on my Adderall.  I noticed I wasn’t able to concentrate as well in class yesterday.

MOM:  Someone needs to pick up some Claritin D.  Why don’t you grab some, dear, when you get your Viagra prescription refilled?

DAD:  I’m not sure if the Viagra has been working, honey.  The Koro I’m taking for my Genital Retraction Syndrome may be canceling it out.  I don’t know.  Anyone seen my Xanax?

MOM:  Can you hand me that bottle of Mirapex?  That’s for my Restless Leg Syndrome.

DAUGHTER:  Can someone hand me my bottle of Acnepril?  Ugh!  Get your sinus rinse tube out of my face!

SON (as he’s popping pills in his mouth):  Sorry.  Can you hand me my Advair? 

MOM:  Here’s your Propecia, dear.  And your Climinax.  One pill a day, right?

DAD:  Yep.

SON:  Has that really helped with your premature ejaculation, Dad?

MOM:  Let’s make that two pills, dear.

DAUGHTER:  Here are your iron supplement pills, Mom.  They look just like my breast enhancement pills.  And what is Plavix?

MOM:  My blood thinner pills.

DAUGHTER:  Why do you take that?

MOM:  It offsets the daily Vitamin K I take that thickens my blood.

DAUGHTER:  Uh…then wouldn’t logic dictate that you stop tak—

SON:  Hey!  Where are my exploding head pills?

DAD (as he’s popping pills in his mouth):  Climinax is right here, son.

SON (points to his head):  No, for my Exploding Head Syndrome, you know, how I hear loud sounds in this head as I’m going to sleep.

DAUGHTER (as she’s popping pills in her mouth):  Mom, can I switch to Lorazepam?  Cindy switched to it last week and she is noticeably less anxious.

MOM (as she’s popping pills in her mouth):  Not sure if our insurance would cover that, dear.  Who has my Melancor? 

SON:  Mom?  Dad?  I’ve been thinking.  Do we really need to take all of these drugs?  Are our lives really better with all of this medication?  Or are we all just mindless puppets succumbing to the pressures of Big Pharma and their unimaginative lapdogs who just so happen to be our family doctors? 

(The other three stare at SON for a moment…possibly considering what he just said…when they continue to pop their pills and down them with water.)

DAD:  Maybe hold off on his Adderall and switch him back to Ritalin.  Seems way too incoherent this morning.

MOM:  Listen, I’ve got to run.  Take-out again tonight?

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