TOP O’ THE MOURNING!

Poor Pat Flanagan was found dead on his barstool in Murphy’s Pub.  Shortly, his friends laid him in a box, nailed it shut and started down the hill into the churchyard.

 

“Poor Paddy,” sniffed Michael O’Shea.  “The good Lord took ‘im well before his time.”

 

“Poor Paddy?” griped Liam Murray.  “Poor us!  That bastard were to buy the next round!”

 

“Ye know,” said Billy MacGowen.  “There are good ships and there are wood ships, ships that sail the sea.  But the best ships are friendships, and may they always be!”

 

“Well said,” said Aidan.  “I’ll miss yeh, Pat!  You were like a brutha t’me!”

 

“Ya feckin’ eejit,” said Michael.  “He were yeh brutha!”

 

“Aye,” sniffed Aidan Flanagan.  “That he were.”

 

As it was a long, sloping path and the mourners were appropriately tipsy, one of the men lurched into the gatepost as they entered the graveyard.  Suddenly a loud knocking came from in the box. Paddy was alive!  They opened the box up and he sat up, wide eyed, and said, “Oo ‘ere stole me pint o’ ale, y’bastards?”

 

The others looked at one another and cried, “It’s a miracle of God!”  They all rejoiced by going back to Murphy’s Pub and downing some more pints.  But later that day, the poor lad died again.  

 

“Bastard still never bought a round!” griped Liam.

 

They bundled him back into his box and made their way down the hill once again.  As before, one of the lads bumped into the gatepost as they entered the graveyard.  Paddy sat up in the coffin with glass in hand and cried, “Oo ‘ere made me spill me pint o’ ale?”  Once again, there was much rejoicing as they all headed back to Murphy’s Pub for more liver damage.  And once again, hours later, Paddy died.  Really died.  Stone cold, Irish scone dead.

 

“And ‘ere I am holding the tab, the lousy welsher,” griped Liam.

 

They bundled him back into his box, and as they huffed and puffed down the hill the next morning, Liam commanded his fellow bearers to start running straight for the gatepost.  “This time,” he griped, “we’ll make sure the bastard buys the first round before he meets his maker fer good!!”

 

HAPPY ST. PATRICK’S DAY!