From the journal of Judd Mecum, 28, of Scranton, PA:

 

October 1st, 9:00PM    

Awful day.  Definitely coming down with something.  I thought it was my head at first but by early afternoon the “bug” had made its way to my stomach.  I

 

9:14PM

            Just got back from the bathroom.  Thank God I’m exporting chocolate from the south rather than oatmeal from the north.  I can’t believe this.  We were all set to go away for the weekend and

 

9:26PM

            Almost didn’t make it that time!  What the hell did I eat today?  It has to be some kind of bug. Maybe if I

 

9:40PM

            Okay, so now I’ve added oatmeal to the porcelain blender.  Hideous.  Just the other

 

9:53PM

            So much for this week’s journal!  I just puked all over it!  I’ll start over.  Anyway, awful day.  Definitely coming down with something.  Started in my head and moved down to my stomach.  It could have been that greasy scrapple and undercooked eggs I…I…oh God!

 

10:03PM

            I never liked the carpet here in the office anyway.  Thank God for the ceiling fan.  What in the world

 

10:14PM

            I wonder if anyone else has ever crapped and puked at the same time?  A first for me, especially without drinking.  If Jen comes home and sees this she’ll probably

 

10:33PM

            Do what I just did.  I never liked those sweatpants anyway.  Not sure why I’m not writing this on the toilet.  I’m trying to remember when this started.  You know what?  I think it was last night. I was watching TV and suddenly my head hurt and I felt sick to my stomach and

 

10:55PM

            I feel 20 lbs. lighter after that last export.  Thank God my toilet doesn’t charge a tariff!  Yeah, so I was watching TV and I felt like I was going to hurl.  What could I have been watching that made me this sick?   Oh yeah!

 

11:17PM

            The first presidential debate!  When Kerry talks I want to (CENSORED) myself and when Bush speaks I want to puke!  My God!  If Ralph Nader had been included I might be dead right now!