From the e-mail of Len Siren, 31, computer programmer of Fruitdish, TN, to his family and friends:

 

From: Len               

To: Family/Friends

Subject: Baby Update

 

Hey gang!  Stacy and I went to the doc’s on Friday to get another ultrasound.  Doc said the baby is now 8 lbs.!  And this is with three weeks to go!  The first thing I asked the ultrasound technician was whether the little imp was definitely a boy.  She said, “Madonn’!  Look at the size of those cantaloupes!” 

 

I said, “Hot damn!  He’s gonna be a biggun, ain’t he?”  Unfortunately, the tech was looking out the window at a fruit vendor who happened to be holding up a pair of cantaloupes, the bastard.  “Look, is that thar baby gonna be a boy or a girl?” I demanded. 

 

The tech turned on the screen and yelled, “Wow!  Look at the size of those nuts!”

 

“Sumbitch!” I yelled.  “He’s gonna be a man’s man!”  Unfortunately, the tech was looking at two tall patients in the hallway being led away in straight jackets.

 

“Give it to me straight!” I said impatiently.  “Is my li’l baby gonna be one of dem boys or one of dem girls?”

 

The tech turned to the screen and cried, “Jeepers!  Look at the size of those bowling balls!”

 

“Woohoo!” I cried.  “That there boy is gonna hafta peel the women off him, ya know what I’m saying?”  Unfortunately, the tech was commenting on two patients who just walked into the room, both with thumbs stuck in their bowling balls.

 

Finally, three hours and 27 puns later, Stacy and I were told we’re definitely having a boy!  Welcome to the family, Jupiter Siren!