NEWS THAT’S MEANT TO BE READ: OFFENDED BY THE OFFENDED

Six Native Americans Angry Over the Name “Redskins”

 

WASHINGTON, D.C.-(AP) How long will the Washington Redskins stay the Redskins? The professional football team has long been the focus of controversy for what some consider a defamatory name, and after 17 years of legal wrangling, the Supreme Court may hear a suit that could revoke the Washington Redskins federal protection of their name and logo. On Sept. 14, six Native Americans with way too much time on their hands petitioned the high court to hear their appeal.

 

“I think people will look back on this case 20 years from now, and really wonder why this was ever considered a debatable issue,” says Chief Hihowareya, an attorney representing the Native Americans pro bono in the suit.

 

“Redskin is the most derogatory word you can use to describe a Native American,” says Load of Bull, founder of the International Indian Treaty Council. The term originates from the bounty-hunting days, when colonies and companies would pay settlers for dead American Indians.

 

“Scalps, called redskins were used as trophies and proof because it was too difficult to carry the entire body, says Sunny To Partly Cloudy, one of the plaintiffs in the suit. “This term describes a heinous act,” Cloudy adds.

 

“How would you like it if an NFL team was called the New York Crackers or the Philadelphia Honkys?” Load of Bull asked a white reporter.

 

“I’d say ‘Who gives a shit?’” responded the reporter.  “We have soldiers dying in Iraq and Afghanistan, the swine flu may kill thousands in the U.S. this winter, the economy is still in the tank, millions of Americans have been unemployed for far too long, healthcare costs are still sky-rocketing while our filthy rich politicians still can’t figure out a way to make some reforms…and you’re upset that the NFL team in Washington…since 1937…is called the Redskins?  Where were you in 1937?  1957?  In the 1970s?  80s?  Now you care???  Hey, my great-grandmother is Danish and Norwegian, so the name Minnesota Vikings offends me!”

 

“My grandfather worked in a meat factory, so the name Green Bay Packers offends me!” said another reporter.  “And he is the one Irishman who doesn’t have a bad temper, so the name Notre Dame Fighting Irish offends the hell outta me!”

 

“I’m a Quaker,” said another reporter.  “How dare the University of Pennsylvania use the name Quakers for their sports teams!  Quakers don’t play sports!  We just wear funny hats and eat oatmeal!  Change those names!  What do you think of that?  Change all the names to the Honkys!  Who gives a shit?!  Did you know that in 2004, the Annenberg Public Policy Center at the University of Pennsylvania asked 768 Native Americans whether they were offended by the Washington Redskins’ name?  About 90 percent of those polled said they were not bothered, and only 9 percent said they found the team name offensive.* And 100% of those 90% said ‘Who gives a shit?’**”

 

At that, Load of Bull, Chief Hihowareya and Sunny To Partly Cloudy were silent.  “Well,” said Bull as he puffed on his peace pipe which clearly offended the non-smokers.  “I guess now is a bad time to mention that we’re also suing the Atlanta Braves, Chicago Blackhawks, Cleveland Indians and Kansas City Chiefs…”

 

*True!

**Not true!