From the journal of Steve Jenkins, 33, of Broomall, PA:
January 5, 2007
A very strange day today. Very strange. Beyond strange. It was 10:20 this morning when I took a sip of my Dunkin’ Donuts coffee (I don’t care what Katie says…I still believe Dunkin’ is better than Starbucks!) and it had become quite cold over the course of my boring con call. So I walked into the kitchen to nuke the cup for a couple of minutes.

Here’s where everything got weird. I stuck the cup in the microwave and hit 2 minutes. As I hit start I heard Jim say, “Hey Steve! Let’s go Eagles, huh?” as he walked into the kitchen. As I was about to respond, the microwave began to crackle. I looked inside and saw that one of my moron co-workers had left a metal fork in the microwave! Sparks were flying! The sound of static filled the air and the microwave seemed to actually jump! There was a loud *POP!* sound and the lights in the kitchen flickered. Then everything went silent.

“Who the heck left a fork in the microwave?!” I yelled as I flung open the door. I grabbed the fork and threw it in the sink. I grabbed my radioactive cup of java and shut the door. I turned to face Jim and immediately noticed that his clothes were different!

“Well?” he said. “How about those Eagles? Losing on a last second, 60-yard field goal! Unbelievable!”

“What?” I said. “What are you talking about?”

“The Eagles!” Jim bellowed as he placed his mug in the microwave. “What a way to lose! Up 17-7 in the 4th quarter, letting the stinkin’ Giants tie it in the last minute, fumbling the ensuing kickoff, and letting the Giants win in the last second on a 60-yarder! UNBELIEVABLE!”

As I was about to ask Jim why he was talking about the Eagles game in the past, I looked down and saw that my clothes were different! What the hell was going on here?! “Jim,” I said quickly. “What day is this?”

“Huh?” he said. “It’s Monday, January 8th. What are ya, an idiot?”

Oh my God! I thought to myself. Nuking metal in the microwave caused me to jump 3 days into the future! And to make matters worse, the Eagles somehow lost to the Giants in the playoff game this coming Sund…er…yesterday! “We actually lost to New York?!” I cried.

“Yeah,” said Jim as he nuked his coffee. “Did you fall asleep or something? Tiki Barber ran for 220 yards! Garcia threw 3 interceptions! Westbrook broke his foot in the first quarter! Where have you been?”

He grabbed his coffee and walked out. Stunned, I walked back to my desk and pulled up MSNBC.com. I was equally stunned by the headlines! “PRESIDENT BUSH ANNOUNCES HE’S A ‘STONE COLD STUBBORN IDIOT’ AND THAT HE WAS ‘COMPLETELY WRONG’ ABOUT IRAQ! TROOPS TO COME HOME IN 2 MONTHS!” “HILLARY CLINTON DECIDES NOT TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT IN ’08 BECAUSE ‘I FINALLY REALIZED WHAT A COMPLETE BITCH AND FRAUD I AM AND HEY, AMERICA DESERVES BETTER THAN MY TIRED ASS’.” “MARTHA STEWART ADMITS HER PRODUCT LINE AT K-MART IS ‘NOTHING BUT CRAP’.” “DR. PHIL ADMITS HE’S FAT AND BALD AND STILL CAN’T BELIEVE HE’S SOLD 40,000,000 BOOKS ON HAIR GROOMING AND WEIGHT LOSS.” And finally, “OPRAH ANNOUNCES THAT SHE WILL ACTUALLY HAVE A PICTURE OF SOMEONE OR SOMETHING ELSE GRACE THE COVER OF O MAGAZINE AT LEAST ONCE IN 2007!”

At that point, the lights flickered again and I found myself once again wearing my Friday clothes. Was it a dream? Could the Eagles really lose to the Giants on Sunday? I was going to call my bookie and bet the house on New York, but those internet headlines convinced me that I obviously must have been hallucinating.

It was time to switch to Starbucks.