MANAGEMENT

Once upon a time there were Three Little Pigs.  Not just three little pigs…we’re talking capital letters here.  Proper noun pigs. Their names were Harry, Sam and Jack.  One day, they went to their mother (who was also a pig…ask around) and said, “Mother, we believe it is time for the three of us to go out on our own.”  The Three Little Pigs spoke in unison…it was a habit their mother detested, quite frankly.

 

“Whatever you do,” replied Mama Pig, “you three must work together to survive.  There’s a Big Bad Wolf out there, and he’ll be coming for ya.  He’s big, he’s bad, he has that strong, hot breath that he uses to blow and blow and he has an enormous appetite for pig meat with those sharp teeth of his.”  She handed Harry a piece of paper.

 

“What’s this?” Harry asked.

 

“My phone number,” said she.  “If you see him, tell that bad boy to call me.”

 

Soon, the Three Little Pigs were on their way.  I won’t bore you with the details.  Jack decided he wanted a house of straw which was downright ridiculous, but he built it and within hours the Big Bad Wolf blew it down.  Jack ran off to Sam’s house of sticks, and the BBW blew that one down as well.  “Come on!” Jack cried.  “We’ll run off to Harry’s house of bricks where we’ll be safe!”

 

The two pigs ran and ran…how they outran a Big Bad Wolf is beyond me…until they came to their brother who was sitting in a field beside a pile of bricks, wood and drywall.  “Brother!” cried Sam.  “Where’s your house?”

 

Harry stood and stretched.  “Right here,” he said pointing to the supplies.  “I knew the BBW would blow down your homes and you’d be out here in no time.  Why should I build a brick house all by my lonesome when I knew damn well that your scrappled butts would also be living in it?”

 

Well, the next day was spent with Harry sitting on his hammy ass, oinking orders to Sam and Jack as they built the brick house.  Harry watched with amusement as his brothers grunted as they worked.  He stuffed his face with slop as Sam and Jack put the finishing touches on the doors, windows, gutters.  The chimney was leaning a bit but it wasn’t much of a gaffe to the naked eye.

 

Finally, Sam and Jack leaned out one of the second floor windows.  They were utterly exhausted.  “Finished!” they cried.  Yep, that unison thing again. 

 

“Finished?” Harry scoffed.  “Sure, you finished the outside.  Now it’s time for you two to lay down the carpets and paint the inside.  And let’s not forget the back deck…”

 

Suddenly, the Big Bad Wolf sprang out from behind a tree and gulped down Harry in one swoop.

 

And the Management Lesson of the Day:  To be sitting and doing nothing…you must be very, very high up.

Epilogue:  The Big Bad Wolf called Mama Pig that afternoon.  The two met at the Shakin’ Bacon Motel (they still offer hourly rates) and have been dating for nearly a month now.