From the unpublished book, Modern Fables, by Flex Malarky:

 

“The Wise Old Donkey”

            Once upon a time there was an old donkey named Jack.  Jack was the oldest donkey on the farm and because he was the oldest he believed he was the wisest of all the donkeys.  He spent his days telling the other donkeys how to live their lives and he felt good in doing so.

            One day, Jack came across David and Debbie Donkey who were scolding their son, Derek.  “What seems to be the problem?” Jack asked.  “I’m the oldest and therefore the wisest donkey here so I know I can help.”

            “It’s none of your busin—,” Debbie Donkey said but was cut off by Jack.

            “So your son is misbehaving again,” Jack said.  “It’s a shame he’s not like my son who is perfect.  If you’d like to know how I raised my perfect son, come and see me sometime.”  And Jack walked away.

            “Jack has a son?” David Donkey asked.

            “No,” said Debbie Donkey.  “He doesn’t have any kids.”

            “What a pompous ass,” said David Donkey.

            The next day, Jack came across Karl and Kathy Donkey who were exercising.  They were sprinting for fifty yards then trotting back as they caught their breath.  “You should talk to me about exercising,” said Jack.  “I’m the oldest and therefore the wisest donkey here so I know everything about exercising.”

            “Who asked you for your opin—,” Kathy Donkey said but was cut off by Jack.

“I have won countless medals in marathons,” said Jack, “so come and see me and I’ll set up a training routine for you.  If you continue to train the way you are now, you’ll never win anything the way I have.”  And Jack walked away.

“Jack won marathons?” Karl Donkey asked.

“No,” said Kathy Donkey.  “Jack never ran a race in his life.  I’ve never seen him exercise either.”

“What a pompous ass,” said Karl Donkey.

            The next day, Jack came across two new donkeys, Stephen and Stephanie Donkey, who were moving in to their new stable.  “Of course you know you’re doing it all wrong,” said Jack.

            “No one asked you for your—,” said Stephanie Donkey but Jack, as always, cut her off.

            “I’m the oldest and therefore the wisest donkey here so I know everything about everything,” said Jack.  “Your hay should be spread out evenly rather than bunched up in the back.  It’s just better that way.  I should know.”  Just then David and Debbie Donkey, Karl and Kathy Donkey and other donkeys arrived.  “I have plenty of other opinions on how you two should live,” Jack continued.  “Come see me sometime and I’ll tell you how to exercise, how to raise your children, how to vote, how to shop, how to worship God, how to clean your own spouse…”

            “You mean ‘how to wipe your own ass’?” David Donkey interjected.

            “Exactly,” said Jack.  “I am really good at that.”

            With that, Jack walked off as the others laughed.  Stephen and Stephanie Donkey, the new donkeys, asked, “Who was that pompous ass?”

            “That was Jack Ass,” explained Debbie Donkey with a smirk.  “He’s the wisest donkey on the farm.  At least he thinks so!”

 

AND THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS:  “A wise ass usually succeeds in coming across as a smart ass, but is generally perceived as a dumb ass.”