WELL-BLOWN FACTS #5

The fastest animal in the world is the cheetah which can go as fast as 65 mph; 190 mph in a Jaguar XJ220.

 

A recent study shows that married men are happier than single men…however, results may be tainted since scowling wives were present during the study and most single men couldn’t be reached because they were out having fun.

 

Jack and Jill went up the hill to make out.  “We told our parents we were getting water,” laughs Jill, now 48 and happily married to Jack for 25 years now in Topeka, KS.  “We just wanted to fool around.” 

“I think they suspected something,” laughs Jack, 49.  “I mean, we should have come up with a better excuse than ‘fetching water’.  We had no comeback when Jill’s mom said, ‘Why don’t you just use the kitchen sink?’”

 

The average yearly milk production per cow in the U.S. totals about 4,815 quarts.  When Bessy, a skeptical cow in Farmington, Indiana heard this, she replied, “No whey!”

 

A recent study has revealed that people who waste, er, spend time on Facebook have seen their asses expand by an average of two inches within the past year.

 

In an excerpt from his soon to be released autobiography, Hey! That’s Me in the Mirror!, George W. Bush revealed that he does indeed know his ass from a hole in the ground.  “One time I made a ‘Mondale’ in the Oval Throne as we liked to call it,” Bush writes.  “I then ran outside and wiped a hole in the ground with the Charmin.  Yet for the rest of the day my butt was real itchy!  I then realized, ‘Hey!  These two holes ain’t one and the same!’  Laura was real proud of me!  She gave me two treats that day and let me stay up late that night.”

 

A recent study shows that 10 out of 3 Americans are indeed dyslexic.

 

On average, a bookstore browser spends 8 seconds looking at a book’s front cover and 15 seconds looking at the back cover…unless the browser has picked up a Penthouse magazine where the browser will spend an additional 17 minutes browsing the pages between the front and back covers and then another 2 minutes in the bookstore bathroom.

 

A recent study has revealed that 9 out of 10 Americans hate recent studies.

 

When men have food cravings, they tend to crave fat and salt. When women crave food, they tend to prefer chocolate.  When Kirstie Alley has food cravings, her neighbors tend to run for cover.