#6-The Annual Holiday Letter From That Family You Haven’t Seen in 12 Years But They Still Feel the Need To Send You A Pompous Letter So That They Can Feel Good About Themselves Because They’re Obviously Insecure And If They Had An Ounce Of Common Sense They Should Realize That We Stopped Giving a Rat’s Ass About Them 12 Years Ago!

 

From the Kosterman Holiday Letter, Madison, WI:

            Hello everyone!

            It’s that time of year again!

            Can you believe another year has already come and gone?  Wow, what a great year 2003 has been for the Kosterman family!  Let’s start with Doug who had a marvelous year at work!  Thanks to his promotion to Senior CFO Account Executive Vice-President, Doug is now making more money than ever!  We grew tired of the 2003 Mercedes CLK350 Cabriolet and bought a 2004 BMW 650i convertible (See enclosed digital photo.  Notice my earrings, ladies? Those aren’t diamonique! Doug is holding a BlackBerry Pearl in his left hand.)  

           

            I have had a wonderful, stupendous year as well!  Yes, I have.  Friends and family, I am now the president of the Berber County School Board!  Doug and the kids are so proud of me.  I can’t thank my hundreds of peachy keen marvelous neighbors who supported me and helped with the never-ending campaign.  Gosh.  It certainly is a dream come true for me.  I can’t wait to help our #1-ranked-in-the-state school district become even more number one’er!  Ha! Ha!  My kids are watching me type this and they’re rolling their laser vision corrected eyes at me.  (They still think I’m a geek!) J

 

            We have put on a 1,000 square foot addition on the back of the house this past summer.  (See enclosed digital photo.)  This was Doug’s dream.  He and the boys love playing on the $5,000 pool table.  Personally, I think it was just a little too expensive for a pool table, but if my boys are happy, I’m even happier!  Yes, I am.  This addition, along with the new kitchen last year, has definitely made this a home for the ages!

 

            Now on to the kids.  Matt, now 22, is still tall and blond and as handsome as ever with his square jaw and straight white teeth!  He just graduated from the University of Wisconsin with a 4.0 GPA in Chemistry.  He just started a perfect job with a Madison pharmaceutical company and is only months away from discovering the cure for world famine!  Yes, he is.  Matt is dating an astonishing young woman named Stacey whom he met at college!  The two have been dating for nearly a year now and are even talking about the ”m” word already!  Cross your fingers! 

 

            Michelle is now 17 and has really blossomed into a beautiful young woman!  Let’s hope the boys in her senior class at Berber County High all have short leashes!  Ha! Ha!  Melissa is president of her senior class, president of the Debate Club, First Flute in the Berber County High School Orchestra, president of the I.Q. Team, president of the President’s Club, Editor-In-Chief of the high school newspaper, Senior Prom Queen, Captain of the swim team, and she spends her weekends feeding the poor through our local parish.  We’re so proud of her!  She is now considering scholarships from Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Princeton, Columbia, Brown and Duke.  We’ll keep you posted on this monumental decision!

 

            Mark is now 14 and is just loving freshman year at Berber County High!  Mark is president of his freshman class and he plays high school basketball, football, baseball, soccer, lacrosse and even has time for chess!  Mark is so handsome with his sparkling blue eyes and dimples and we just can’t keep track of all his girlfriends!

 

            And our little darling blessing Melissa just turned 3 last month.  Can you believe she’s already reading on a 2nd grade level?  Yes, she is.  Granted, Doug and I were a little surprised 3 years ago, but what a true blessing Melissa is!  Crawling at 3 months, potty trained at 6 months, walking at 7 months, portraying the baby Jesus in a speaking role at 10 months, and now this!  The school district is already considering her for the GATE program (that’s Gifted and Talented, in case you didn’t know.)  Such a blessing! 

 

            Vacation #1 this year was in Walt Disney World in Orlando!  Yes, it was!  (See enclosed digital photo of all of us with Mickey and Minnie!)  Every day was peachy keen sunny and a pleasant 75 degrees.  You know how cold it can be up here in Madison, so we enjoyed the sun.  But don’t get me wrong!  It’s a wonderful cold here in Wisconsin!

 

            Vacation #2 was spent on a private island in the Caribbean.  It’s not found on any map.  (See enclosed digital photo of moi in my bikini!  Sorry, ladies!  They’re still real!  Can you believe it?)  Doug is thinking of purchasing the island in 2004.  If we do buy it, we’d love to have all of you down for a weekend!  Wouldn’t that be grand?

 

            Well, that just about does it for the Kosterman family for 2003!  We hope you all have a wonderful holiday season and we hope you all have perfect, superb lives like we do!  We are truly blessed.  May God truly bless you as He has truly blessed us which leaves me feeling so blessed.  Beyond blessed.  God bless!

           

            Love and Happiness,

            The Kosterman Family

 

 

 

From the journal of Wendy Kosterman, 47:

 

December 26, 2003  

            Another Christmas has come and gone.  Lots of fun and presents but once again I can’t understand why no one seems to send us a Christmas card!!!  L