The latest in Valentine’s Day cards for those men out there who need some help in expressing their romantic feelings.  From The Stupid Cupid Card Company:

 

For the married man

COVER: Honey, you are without a doubt the love of my life!

INSIDE: Too bad I’m still married to my wife. 

 

COVER: Valentine’s Day is for expressing affection, I’ve always said…

INSIDE: And you and I have that special connection, ‘specially in bed!

 

COVER: This feels so good, this feels so right…

INSIDE: …I just wish it didn’t cost me $200 a night!

 

For the married man over 40

COVER: For Valentine’s Day I want to take you to the Falls of Niagra!

INSIDE: And while we’re there, let’s have some fun with Viagra!

 

COVER: Roses are red, daffodils are yellow, you make my heart jiggle like Jell-O!

INSIDE: But tonight I’d like to see a part of you do some jiggling, honey!  And I ain’t talking about your thighs or your heart!

 

For the soon-to-be-divorced man

COVER: On Valentine’s Day I’m thinking of all the special ways you have made my life better…

INSIDE: …and I can’t come up with any.  What’s for dinner?

 

For the math teacher

COVER: For this Valentine’s Day, sweetheart, I’m thinking engagement…

INSIDE: I’d like to engage in a little square root of 4,761!  Happy Valentine’s Day!

 

For the archaeologist

COVER: Happy Valentine’s Day, honey!  I have a bone to pick with you!

INSIDE: (this is a pop-up card…you get the picture)

 

For the politician

COVER: Thanks for sticking with me, dear wife, through the lies, affairs, illegitimate children, raunchy sex tapes, acts of homosexuality and STD’s I unknowingly passed on to you.  The worst is behind us!

INSIDE: And just so you know, that sheep and I are just friends, nothing more. 

 

For the astronomer

COVER: To my fellow female astronomer…with you I’d like to discover new stars and planets!

INSIDE: But I wouldn’t mind starting with the exploration of Uranus!   

 

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!

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