OR… “SO THESE 2 TWITS WALK INTO A BAR…”

From the Iron Hill Brewery in West Chester, PA.  We see JIM and BOB sitting at an outside table.  The two were best of friends in college and into their early 30s.  BOB’s job took him to Ohio and though the two have stayed in touch periodically, they haven’t seen one another in five years.  A wedding has brought BOB back to West Chester for this very weekend.

 

JIM: Look at you, dude!  You haven’t aged a day in five years!

BOB:  Uh…I had a full head of hair five years ago.

JIM:  And I’m sure that hair is lying on the ground somewhere…still looking young!

BOB:  It’s great to see you, buddy.  How’s Carol?

JIM:  Good!  We…

BOB:  Sorry, hold on.  (BOB reaches into his pocket and pulls out his vibrating Blackberry.)  Hello?  Hey Connie.  Yeah, I’m with him now.  Connie says hi.

JIM:  Tell her I said…

BOB:  Jim says hi, sweetheart!  You still going out with your sisters?  OK, great.  I’ll see you in a few hours.  Love you!  Bye!  Sorry about that.  So how’s Carol?

JIM:  She’s good.  We…oh, sorry.  (JIM reaches into his pocket and pulls out his vibrating Blackberry.)  Hey Doug!  Guess what?  You’re not going to believe who I’m having lunch with!  No.  No.  No.  Guess again.  No.  No, it’s Bob!  Bob Sanders!  Yeah!  Five years!  Hey, it’s Doug.

BOB:  Doug Worthing?  Tell him I said…

JIM:  Bob says hi.  What’s up?  Yeah, I’m all set for the draft.  We still having it at Ron’s tonight?  Cool.  What time?  OK.  Yeah, I’m bringing beer.  What?  I thought I was picking third?  I’m picking fifth?

(BOB takes out his Blackberry and begins to text.)

JIM:  OK, that’s fine.  I probably just read it wrong.  OK, see ya then!  Sorry about that, Bob.  So, how’ve you been?  How are things in Columbus?

BOB (talking while texting):  I’m in Akron.  Good.  Job’s good.  Hey, would you like to follow me on Twitter?

JIM:  Huh?

BOB:  I’m on it now.  I follow like 500 people on Twitter.  It’s great.  Whenever anyone has a thought or comment, you post it so everyone can read it.  I follow a bunch of celebrities.  I follow Lance Armstrong.  I got to read his comments during the Tour de France.  It was great.

JIM:  Why would I care what Lance Armst—

BOB:  Hold on.  (He answers his Blackberry.)  Hello?  Scott?  Hey buddy!  No, I’m in PA for a wedding this weekend.  Aw, nuts!  I forgot about poker night!

JIM (he answers his Blackberry):  Hello?  Hey, Steve.  Yeah, we’re still on for Ron’s tonight for the draft.

BOB:  …if you just call Rich, I’m sure he can fill in for me.  Know what?  I’ll text him right now to see if he’s free and I’ll call ya back.

JIM:  …which is why I thought I was picking third.  Doug just told me I’m picking fifth?  What?  You’re picking third??

(BOB is texting while JIM still blabs on his Blackberry.)

JIM:  I need to find that email.  I swear I was picking third!

(BOB dials his Blackberry.)

BOB:  Scott?  I just heard from Rich.  He can fill in for me tonight.  OK, great.  I’ll call ya when I get back.

JIM:  …doesn’t really matter.  Look, I’ll see ya tonight.  Sorry about that, Bob.  So you were saying you follow Lance Armstrong on Twitter.

BOB:  Yeah, look.  Here’s one of his Tweets while he was on the Tour de France:  “Really tired today.”  Isn’t that cool?  And I also follow Warren Buffett, the billionaire.  He just sent a text:  “I’m thinking takeout tonight.  Any suggestions?”  I mean, Warren Buffett!  I’m going to suggest Chinese.

JIM:  Sorry.  Hello?  Yo Jack!  How are ya?  Yeah, we’re thinking of going over to the swim club later…

BOB (reading his Blackberry):  Ha!  Ashton Kutcher just Tweeted that he hasn’t shaved in three days!  That’s awesome!  I’m so glad I follow him!

JIM:  …Hill Brewery with an old friend of mine.  Haven’t seen him in years!

BOB (texting):  “Hey, Mr. Buffett.  Do you like sushi?”

JIM:  It’s so great catching up with him!  Do you know we haven’t seen in each other in five years?  We have so much to talk about!

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